Best of Friends
by lamatikah
Summary: and so he said: "Friends, we shall go on that show. And we shall put custards in hats, and we shall air guitar with freaks, and we shall wash pigs."
1. prologue

People knew lots of different things about Sora, Kairi, Riku, Roxas and Naminé, and if you asked them you get so many pieces of information hurled at you your legs would snap off and you'd have to spend the rest of your life as a cripple.

They knew, for instance, that Sora became dangerous if he ate too much sugar. They knew that Kairi liked to paint her nails purple and yellow and had never got anything lower than an A at anything academical. They knew Riku liked to wear skirts in his spare time and hadn't had a haircut for years. They knew Roxas liked to flail sticks around and had weird dreams about strange gothic creatures in trenchcoats. And they also knew that Naminé loved to draw.

And the biggest thing, the thing everybody knew, was that they were all best friends.

**Best of Friends**

So, lazy summer afternoons spent watching (and laughing) and comic children's television programmes was put into play as the five lounged about on soft, plush sofas and cushions, about to switch over to the only channel which would play kids' tv all day long. Well, from seven-till-seven at least. Then they would switch over to some proper good television programmes (of which, really, there were none).

It was known ritual at the start of each show, one of the friends would shout out, "Pfft! Hey, look at the nerd in this show!" or something to that effect. Then, duly, all of the friends would slowly turn their heads in the direction of the outstretched finger (pointed by the proclaimer) and they would laugh at the nerd-in-this-show. It was a neverending summer activity, fun for the whole family sort of event.

If we imagine the five as a family. Which... they weren't.

But one day, there were only four seated in the rightful places. (Kairi: next to the fireplace; Riku: lounging on the big sofa; Roxas: draped over the right hand side of the smaller sofa; Naminé: smushed up against the corner of the smaller sofa; and Sora: sitting right in front of the te- well, Sora wasn't there.)

"Maybe he's gone to the shops with his mom for some shopping," noted Riku – public speaking champion for five times in a row. "You know, to... shop."

Kairi rolled her eyes and said, in the tone of voice of one who is _this_ close to having a brain haemorrhage, "Or, you know, to... swim."

Riku snorted as Roxas felt around the back of the settee, looking for the remote. "Can we just watch the programmes, he'll be back soon." Kairi sighed impatiently, tapping a finger against her watch. "I mean, when has Sora ever missed a show? He's usually the first here, I'm sure it's just... traffic."

"It always is," commented Naminé in a slow drawl, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I remember that one time when we were stuck in traffic for like fifty days! And we had to survive on our own pee and-" Slowly, Riku's voice drifted into the back of their subconscious minds as their main focus became the tv and its wondrous show. About some friends who appeared to be having a lot of fun as they whined and moaned about having to eat slugs while their other friends went out shopping with some fellow called Leon.

"_Join us next week for the 'Best of Friends'!_"

The chipper girl grinned as she waved at the camera, nudging the man next to her. He was obviously a stoic child-murderer who got sucked into presenting when Yevon told him that it was irreligious and he was going to hell anyway.

"_Yes-next-week-shall-be-more-exciting-than-any-other-week-has-ever-been._"

"_Be happy, Leon!_" came a hissy voice after a loud beep and some static. "_We'll fire you, like they did on 'the Stables'!!_"

Leon clutched his ears in pain and gritted out, "_My life is filled with merriment and-_"

"**Hey**guy_sssss_guesswhat**IIII**justdid!"

Sora appeared at the doorway, face pink with running all the way from the car to Naminé's bedroom. Riku's head whipped round, a crazed look on his face. "Were you stuck in traffic for over thirty-nine days and you had to drink your own **URINE**?!"

Sora's excited face did not falter during the pause. "...Yes, but **after** that, I signed us up for-" he gasped. "Oh my gosh! Yeah, I signed us up for _that_ show, there!" He pointed exaggeratedly at the television as the brown-haired chipped girl carried on talking about what was on the next show. ("_Andwe'llhave__**all**__your_favourite_tasksandtreatstodo__**like**__thisweekbutalla_little_bitdifferent!_")

Kairi's face fell, "You did what now?"

Sora grinned happily. "I signed us up! And in four-to-six weeks they'll tell us whether we can go on it!" There was simultaneous twitching until Riku told them that it was okay because four-to-six weeks is a long time and they still had ages to prepare themselves.

"Yeah, and we might not even get in or anything, right?" Kairi said, the hopefulness almost leaking out of her ears.

Sora pouted, "Are you saying that I did that for nothing? You don't _want_to go on the show?"

A lot of rubbing of the back of the head, and sheepish looks ensued. "It's not that, Sora," said Roxas, "it's just we... we're too old for it anyway! I mean, all these kids are, what, like, eleven, twelve? And we're fourteen and Riku's fifteen." Riku puffed out his chest proudly.

"Yeah, so just don't get your hopes up, 'kay?" added Kairi. "It's not for definite."

_...four-to-six weeks later:_

"_And next week on the show, we'll have a different take to the show 'cause our five __**best of friends**__ will be a little older than anyone else we've had on the show!_"

Sora, Kairi, Riku, Roxas and Naminé looked at each other. And just the look told them that they were in trouble. Sora's antsy, excited, just-tell-us look; Kairi's oh-dear-LORD look; Riku's should-I-look-like-I-give-a-crap? look; Roxas' how-do-I-go-to-hospital-without-getting-sick look; and Naminé's smug look of eheheh-here's-to-all-those-years-you've-ignored-me look. It all added up to:

"_The players will be: Selphie,Tidus,Wakka,Olette__**and**__Hayner! Well done, guys!_"

United relief spread throughout the room (excepting the cases of Sora and Naminé of course, who both looked a little dejected).

"_And the week after, we'll have: Sora,Riku,Kairi,Roxas__**and**__Naminé! Yay!_"

"Oh no," squeaked Riku.

**x x x**

**an** another joint-collaberation-thing-of-skitts'n'lamie. rejoice. for the world is now a worserer place than before. & also 'best of friends' 'nd 'the stables' are both shows on this channel called cbbc in britain. best of friends is amusing at times whereas the stables was just pure 'nd utter "no." if you liked it, feel free to shout at me. i think baker gets the short straw for all the really crap shows. i really do.


	2. chapter one

**Best of Friends**

"A-A-Atishooooo!"

"Bless you."

"I'm cold!"

"I had to drink my own urine-"

"Atishoo!"

"Argh! My hair's getting all messy!"

"Shut up, Riku!"

"Does anybody have a tissue?"

"Damn – I broke a nail!"

"-DRINK MY OWN URINEEEEE!!!"

"SHUDDUP, RIKU!"

"Ah... Such a pleasant atmosphere," sighed Sora dreamily, swaying on the spot merrily like somebody who'd just ingested a large amount of happy-pills.

Kairi mourned over her hair and nails.

Roxas sniffled and sneezed pathetically.

Riku continued to rant about urine.

Naminé quietly went insane.

And Sora continued with his monologue, hugging himself tightly and rocking back and forth on the balls on his feet.

"Ah yes, so much fun... Such merriment... And jubilation... And joy..." He turned around and flashed a winning smile at his collection of disgruntled friends, all of them crying rivers of blood, every gust of wind against their pale skin sending pieces of their shattered innocence flying to the ground. "Aren't you glad we're going to be on the show?"

Roxas sneezed in response and Naminé patted him on the shoulder.

Kairi sighed and whipped a nail file from her hoodie pocket and Riku tugged at his split-ends whilst recounting various other childhood sagas he'd lived through, such as the time he had to stand in the naughty corner at primary school for sticking his tongue out at the teacher.

After many more awful minutes, time crawling along sluggishly as if it were pulling a blue whale behind it, the studio doors opened.

The motley collection of ill, oozy, achy children barged in higgedly-piggedly, upsetting a potted palm and sneezing forecfully at the security guard.

"Name, business, IDs," drawled the guard, all dressed up in a black trenchcoat for no reason other than to scare people. He flicked his pony-tail'd hair out of his worryingly yellow eyes as the children rattled off strings of important details. "All right," he yawned, eyeing the vending machine and looking caffeine-deprived, "go and state your details to the receptionist."

"What?_Again_?" asked Roxas through his sniffles and sneezes.

"We need to make a note of every person that comes and goes."

"Then why didn't you do it?" Roxas interrogated.

"Because I studied hard and became a security guard. It's not my job to write things. It's my job to shoot things."

"Roxas... C'mon," muttered Naminé, grabbing his hand and dragging him away. "It's not going to do you any good infuriating security."

"Achoo," Roxas replied glumly.

Sora, ever outgoing, bounced across the cheap black carpet littered with coffee stains and gum wrappers and plonked his feet firmly before the receptionist.

"Oh," the girl (? It was hard to tell) said in a surprisingly deep voice as she (?) pulled out a pair of earphones and let them dangle around her (?) neck like snakes. The music issuing forth from them was so loud Sora and the rest of the people in the lobby were treated to snatches of guitar solos and loud screamy voices. "And who are you, you adorable little midget gems?"

And once more the irritated group of four plus Sora, who was never irritated, told the receptionist their names, business ("to go on that Yevonawful show called 'Best of Friends," Riku had replied with a shudder, to which the scary lady behind the table and sighed and said "Poor darlings", which was less than reassuring) and flashed their ID cards.

"Hmn. Everything seems to be in order. I'll call for Yuffie and Leon. Meanwhile, you guys wait here in the lobby," Ms. Pinky giggled in her deep voice, motioning towards a series of cracked leather chairs kicked into the corner and leaking stuffing.

Thanking Ms. Pinky, the group trailed away and took seats, sitting on them uncertainly as if some almighty button marked 'eject' was going to be pressed, thus dispatching through the roof and into a stagnant lake.

Of course, that didn't happen. Well, a spring poked Riku in the back, but that was about it.

"You know, I wonder when the people that run this place just stopped caring," muttered Kairi, prodding at her chair. It seemed to moan back in protest.

"Probably when the coffee machine stopped working," Roxas replied, staring warily first at the shuddering security guard, and then to the equally shuddering machine, hissing sparks.

_A while later..._

"Sorry for the hold-up, ducklings!" trilled Ms. Pinky as she swanned through the corridor, flanked by a depressed child abuser and a female kangaroo.

"Leon!" Sora giggled foolishly, pointing at the depressed child abuser. "And Yuffie!" Who was, of course, the bouncy female kangaroo (that was probably on steroids).

"Yes. I. Am. Leon," greeted 'Leon'.

"Uh-huh! 'Nd I'm Yuffieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-" (and so it went on. And on.)

"And I'm Marluxia!" trilled the receptionist as if anybody actually cared. "And now I'm going to sit down and take care of... Important business..." And with that she sat down and started listening to her iPod again. A magazine also appeared out of nowhere and into her hands, nails decorated with hot pink.

"Have you ever contemplated suicide?" Riku asked Leon bluntly.

"Yes."

"...Oh."

More silence.

And then Yuffie clapped her hands together. "Come on, gang! Let's be off! Fun, fun, fun!"

And so the fun began.

**o o o**

The setting was dangerously cliché; borderline perfect. The soft green of the swaying trees, the hard green of the lush grass, the light gre- blue of the cloudless sky. It was enough to make any sane, non-Sora person drop to their knees and scream. Scream.

"Aaargh!" Riku screamed. There was a loud static sound, like they had heard before when they threatened to fire Leon. How these children missed these awful, ear-breaking sounds and carried on smiling was beyond any of the three friends who weren't currently on the floor screaming** or** sighing, gasping, pointing, screeching and generally being hyper. After the loud static sound, there was the hissy voice, saying something like: "_We're on in two, I repeat: TWO. Get that bloody kid off the floor. And, oh Yevon, tell that awful child to stop sniffing the plastic flowers!_"

Riku was promptly shoved off the floor as Sora was berated for not being with everyone else and looking like friends with them and not the flowers. He blushed and shuffled back in between Kairi and Roxas, who patted him on the back. He immediately brightened up, and just in time for Yuffie to say, "Yo! Welcome to-"

Then everybody screamed, "_Best of Friends!!_" like they actually cared.

Roxas had been previously told not to sneeze – under any circumstances. They didn't want any ill children on their (none at all) award-winning, (about a third of the children in one school) popular show. It would ruin them, **ruin**! So, Roxas' face was slowly building up to a giant explosion. They better not ask him to open his mouth or all hell will be let loose. Or at least a loud sneeze.

So, when the 'Unlucky Dip' was brought on, Roxas rolled his eyes in a 'oh-Yevon-**NO**!' kind of way. The 'Unlucky Dip' was a way of choosing who would be doing the 'treats' and who would be doing the 'tasks' – the treats, obviously, being the best, the tasks being the... not-so-good. The 'Unlucky Dip' worked because you put a candy in your mouth and if your tongue turned blue, then you were doing a 'task' and if it didn't change colour, you were doing a 'treat'.

"Now, three of these will turn your tongue blue, and two won't. Leon, hand them round, will you?" Leon nodded curtly, shuddering slightly at the thought of having to go near those horrible, horrible children.

Riku took one, then Naminé took one, then Kairi, then Sora, then... Leon _almost_ jumped out of his skin – though, that would be against children's tv regulations if he actually did jump out of his skin. Because, well, it could cause a lot of projectile vomiting in houses across the region.

Yes, Roxas had sneezed. And not just an "Achoo, thank you, good day, I'll be on my way" kind of sneeze. No, it was a full blown, apocalyptic, I-am-a-bomb-that-has-just-landed-on-your-house sneeze. And Leon was standing there shell-shocked as the others watched from a distance. Roxas brought a hand up to his nose and sniffed a bit before reaching inside the almost empty bag and took the last piece of candy.

Everyone stayed still. Roxas rolled his arm, "And then we say..."

Yuffie shook her head and nudged Leon, "Yes, uh, _youuuu_** SUCK**!"

The five sucked hard on the candy as a camera whizzed past their faces until Yuffie proclaimed that they should all stop sucking and let's have a look at those tongues! Riku, Naminé, Kairi, Sora and Roxas stuck their tongues out and looked at each other. Kairi looked at Riku and laughed, shouting a lisped "haha!" before she realised that she too had a very blue tongue. Sora looked at those two, then at Roxas and Naminé, who were suddenly being a lot more chummy-chummy than usual, and the realisation dawned on him.

His lower lip stuck out in the infamous pout but he took it like a man and laughed along. After severe counselling from Kairi.

Then another bag came along and Yuffie and Leon were telling them to shout at the two. The five shouted, a little unenthusiastically, "_youuuu_**SUCK**!"

Leon rolled his eyes, his fingers perched on the bridge of his nose, rubbing slightly. He seemed to be muttering, "oh dear, Yevon..." over and over again. Yuffie on the other hand seemed to be gargling with her piece of candy. When they stuck their tongues out at each other, Leon lost the will to live.

**o o o**

"You know, for such a popular show," (his scathing voice was even more obvious than a big flashing sign above his head bearing the words 'THIS SHOW IS NOT POPULAR' would have been), "the transportation sure does _suck_," Riku snorted.

"I think I broke _another_ nail," Kairi wailed, sucking her finger as her saliva could regrow her poor purple-and-yellow-painted broken nail.

"Stupid crud bucket," Riku agreed.

"Filled with junk-"

"My knee hurts!"

"My soul hurts!"

"I got hit in the side with a piece of camera crud!"

"I miss my nail!"

"Guys, isn't this great?" Sora beamed, emerging from a suspicious-looking van parked in a far-off corner somewhere. "They had all the camera equipment in there!"

"Yeah, and some of it fell on my leg," Riku moaned.

"I know! You guys should feel blessed that they trust us to travel with such expensive stuff!"

Kairi was about to point out that if the equipment was really _that_ expensive they wouldn't leave it rattling around in a van where it could crash into the sides of agonised youngsters, but she didn't. The look of pure joy on Sora's face was too cute to wipe away with common sense.

"Hmn... I guess," Kairi agreed slowly, her words lighting Sora's face up further so he looked like a Christmas tree.

It was _cute_.

"So, Leon, what's our task?" asked Riku, become aware of the camera men, that had finished setting up their stuff, rearing to go.

"Well-kids-for-our-task-we-are-going-to-clean-up-a-pig-what-a-pity."

"Oh..." Riku said, a little put off by Leon's robotic voice that clearly called 'shoot me now and put me out of my misery!'. "So, um... Who's she?"

The 'she' he was referring to had just appeared through a thicket of trees, a large pig trotting behind her on a lead.

The pig was fat. And ugly. And smelly. And it made Kairi want to cry.

First her broken nails, now a _pig_? What about her clothes?

Obviously sensing Kairi's great pain, the twenty-something blonde girl smiled a smile of pure joy.

"I'm Larxene, you sweet little angels!" the woman greeted, her comment a little hypocritical. She wasn't that tall herself, so who was she to call the group of kids _little_? "And this is my pig, Vexen."

The group turned to look at Vexen, and winced as he absent-mindedly chewed on a piece of ... something, leaving smears of ... something across his fine-haired, double-chinned face.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" Larxene cooed, patting Vexen on his back. "I made sure he was especially dirty just for you!"

"Aww! Thank you, Larxene!" Sora beamed, whilst around him Riku, Kairi and Leon observed the pig as though it were a time bomb. "Can I pat him?"

"Better not. He might eat you."

Riku, Kairi and Leon took a step back, horrified looks on their faces. Sora, on the other hand, kept his feet rooted firmly on the ground, a smile stretched across his face like a belt around a particularly fat person. "How cute..."

"Yes. Cute," Larxene replied. "Now pick up a hose and start washing. I expect him to be squeaky-clean afterwards! And if not..." The woman grinned deviously, leaving the three to wonder what would befall them if they failed. A custard pie in the face, perhaps? "Well, let's just say we won't film the parts where I break off your arms and shove down your pitifully small windpipes and carve up your f-"

"Alright then! Let's get started!" Sora declared loudly, completely drowning out Larxene's string of threats as he picked up the hose. "Now... How do you turn this thing on?"

And that was when all hell broke lose. Or, to be more precise, when _Vexen_ broke loose.

"Hey!" Kairi snarled as she ran past Larxene in pursuit of the run-away pig. "You let him go on purpose!"

"Psh. It's not like I'm going to make this _easy_for you," Larxene snorted, starting to examine her black-painted lips in a compact mirror.

Kairi stood still.

Larxene looked down at her after she was sure she was glammed up enough to hold a pig down while three floundering teens attempted to clean it, and blinked her large blue eyes slowly. "Well go on, girl. Get to it. No time like the present."

The shrill cackles of Larxene's wicked laughter followed Kairi as she chased after Vexen with Riku (who had fallen over a molehill) and Sora (who was pinwheeling his arms around madly as he ran, still clutching the hose).

"Stupid as- asparagus!" Kairi hissed, quickly correcting herself before the swearword could emerge from her lips. "That black crud makes her lips look like leeches..." And, with those thoughts in mind, Kairi dived at the pig, grabbing hold of it's dirty middle and tackling it to the ground.

And then another thought sprung to her mind rather quickly.

_Oh fudge! My clothes!_

And then another...

_Ow! The asparagus was right! It really _does_bite!_

"Hey, Kairi! Good work! You hold him down and I'll spray him, right?"

And another...

_Argh! He's going to _ruin_my outfit..._ Kairi looked down at her muddy outfit. _Even more! And what the hell is Riku doing anyway? Eating scones?_

"'Kay... Three... Two... One!" Sora's voice snapped Kairi out of her reverie. That, and the jet of ice cold water that surged forwards with more power than a tsunami, blowing Sora back off his feet and sending both Kairi and pig reeling.

"Sora! Sora?" Kairi called, as the boy ran away shakily, abandoning the hose. "Sora?" She was dimly aware she sounded like a parent. A pushy parent. _Oh woe._

"Gone to get a scrubbing brush! Back in a sec, 'kay?" Sora shouted over his shoulder, voice mingled with Larxene's demented laughter as she watched the events over the top of a glossy magazine. Apparently the pop-star Yuna's divorce to the priest, Seymour, was more interesting than watching a few antagonised teenagers chase around a dirty pig.

"Riku!" Kairi cried from afar, internal organs crushed under the pig's immense weight and wind-whipped hands coated in various bite-marks. "Come over and help me hold him!"

The silver-haired boy shot her an incredulous look that clearly read 'who, _me_?' and sauntered off, muttering something.

"Are your hands made of solid gold or something? Are your hands too good to touch this pig? Is your hair too silky and your eyes too piercing blue? Tell me! Are you too good for me and my pig?! Are you turning your back on me and Vexen?!" Kairi screamed, attempting to secure the wet, struggling, snorting creature.

Riku turned back, allowed a quick pause, and then said simply: "Yes."

"Kairi! Kairi, I gots some brushes and a bucket o' water and stuff!" Sora exclaimed, shoving a flannel in the girl's face. "Come on, Kairi, get scrubbing!"

So Kairi opened her arms in an attempt to scrub the pig's side, only to have the hideous creature, nose a-quiver at the sweet scent of freedom, bound out of her clutches and away into the wilderness.

"Kairi!" called Sora in desperation. "You did it wrong!"

"Argh! My beautiful _legs_!" screamed a far-off voice in despair, as all heads (even Larxene's and Leon's, who had been Yevon-knows-where doing Yevon-knows-what) swivelled in Riku's direction.

Riku, the almighty Riku, who had been dating Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, Alice and Jasmine (the most popular girls in the school) at the same time, reduced to a pile of limbs and silver hair on the floor.

And what had caused him to take the foetal position on the muddy ground, screeching like a Banshee?

Why, only Vexen, who had chosen to bowl into Riku from behind and then, for some inexplicable reason, unload the strange something he'd been eating earlier onto his quivering torso, mixed with several others strange somethings that all combined to create a smelly brown muck.

Kairi said "Oh my..."

Sora said "Are you OK?!"

Leon said "..."

Larxene said "Hahahahahaha!"

And, last of all, Riku said "Ohmy**Yevon**myhairohmy**Yevon**fuckfuckfuckityfuckhowcouldyou!!!!!" (Except the edited version would come out as: "Oh my goodness me! Why, this is horrendous! Get away from me, you filthy beast!")

And then there was a silence.

"Hey, guys," Larxene drawled from the side, folding up her magazine and creasing Yuna's face. "Your time's up."

"We were being timed?" squealed Kairi, attempting to brush some mud off her pink dress lined with zippers and pockets and other pointless tat.

"Derr. Obviously I wouldn't say 'time's up'. Come on, Vexen! Get over here, my gorgeous little baby! Who's my gorgeous little baby!" Larxene cooed, crooking her finger at the pig. And, due to years of training and death-threats, the pig came, trotting up to her demurely like a young child that had just been caught drawing on the walls on it's bedroom. You know the look. The attempted innocence, large eyes, the 'I _didn't_do it, mommy'. That kind of thing.

"So how did we do?" asked Sora eagerly, as Larxene poked and prodded the pig from all angles.

"Well," Larxene said, straightening up. "There's no easy way of saying but... That performance was a disgrace! I should totally phone up your parents and tell them to love you less."

Sora's face fell.

"But... As I was paid a bundle by this stupid show... I guess you passed."

"What, really?" asked Kairi, pulling pieces of mud out her (was-)beautiful red hair.

Larxene shrugged and brandished her magazine again. "Sure, whatever. Now go skip. Frolic. Merry-make. Hug. Dance like fools!"

"Um... Want a hug?" asked Sora, offering his arms to the manure-covered Riku.

"Piss off, Sora." (Except the edited version came out as: "That would be lovely, Sora.")

_Back in the van..._

"Hey Riku, you've drank your own urine before," Kairi said merrily. "Surely you could just lick that manure right u-"

"Go screw yourself." (Of which the edited version – even though there needn't be one considering no one was filming apart from one of those new children's television shows called 'Sitting in a Van', hosted by Batt Maker – would be: "Go eat noodles... you asshat.")

**o o o**

Yuffie snatched the golden envelope from the nearby producer/camera-man/director/Steve with a quick, "Thanks, Joel."

"My pleasure," Richard replied.

Naminé and Roxas watched as Gertrude walked off to get some more tea from the trailor van parked a little ways behind the camera crew.

Yuffie looked positively brimming at the idea of finding out what their treat would be, despite the fact that they were standing in wellies and raincoats on a muddy track, obviously devised for quad biking. Also, there were some quad bikes sitting behind them – and which had been sitting behind them ever since an hour ago when "a man" came to set them up.

Roxas and Naminé looked at each other with exasperated looks. _Why, Sora,_ they thought in unison, _why?_

"On in TEN, NINE, EIGHT,SEVEN,SIX,FI-FOU-FRE-TWO-_**ONE**_!!"

There was a little 'blip' and a red light flashed on one of the many cameras in front of them. Yuffie instantly grinned at said camera and jabbered on for around ten minutes about what she, Roxas and Naminé were about to do. Despite the fact that, again, they were standing in wellies. And raincoats. There was a muddy track – for quad biking. And yes, well done you kids at home – gold stars all round, there were quad bikes.

At least they didn't have to put up with Leon.

That was a plus.

Yuffie suddenly screeched with laughter and Roxas instantly regretted his bad karma-inducing thoughts. "Alright, kiddies! Let's go biking!" Yuffie pointed at the bikes and waited for Roxas and Naminé to look like they cared even an eency, shmeency bit. So the two blondes made small 'yaayy-oh-the-fun's-died-out' movements with their fists and proceeded to race each other towards the bikes.

The track was bumpy, and with their every move being watched by a camera, it was hardly surprising that Naminé didn't want to travel at the greatest of speeds. It would be a task just to get through that so-called "treat". Yuffie whizzed past her as Roxas slowly trundled along behind her. The producer started screaming at them ("Go faster, you **cretins**! This show will **never** work now, **villainous **_fiends_!! First you have a **COLD** and now **THIS**. RAWR! It makes me _so mad_!!")

Naminé tried to look away from the outraged producer but his horrible voice carried on ("-if you _don't _do this then I can sue you, **SUE** you!!") but it didn't work. She picked up speed, her face flushing with the wind whipping her face. She looked behind her and saw that Roxas had picked up speed too, obviously the maddened creature known as 'producer' had cast a curse upon him too as he shot a worried glance at Yuffie who was just coming up round the bend behind them. She shot past the two teens, giving them a conditions doctors call 'severe mud acne'. Roxas stepped on the pedal in his mud-induced confusion and promptly crashed into Naminé who went spinning round as Roxas' bike crashed into the makeshift wall of the track and he, himself, went flying over the wall and into a particularly knobbly stone wall.

Naminé threw up and Roxas forgot who he was for about an hour.

**x x x**

**an** apologies for the terribly grammatically & atrociously-spelt chapter. at least it's long :3 that's a good sign... right? next chapter might come next week or something like that. soon-ish hopefully. x3 review, children. or face the wrath of some sort.


End file.
